talking to myself

Had a crazy interesting thought today: What would a conversation with my younger self be like?  I know not highly original, but bear with me.  You know how there have been songs, stories and even movies about going into the past to change something about your past.  This coupled with a reoccurring slogan of "be someone who you would like to meet", got me thinking.  How would me 10 year old self view me as I am now?  And thus begins this imaginary conversation in my head. 

I see myself back then- with an infectious shy smile, big stringy bangs and freckles, wearing skinny jeans (before they had that title- they were just jeans) and some baggy t-shirt with geometric design and matching head band (a must have back then). Me now- I lost the bangs, but still have the freckles but a more feminine smile.  My hair pulled back with a pom in the front, wearing office attire of pin-striped capri's, white sleeveless blouse and black strappy heels with matching belt.  I will have to start as I know 10 year old me is a little shy.

"Hi" I smile.

"...Hi. Do I know you?"

"Not yet, but I know you.  I'm you in 17 years."

The 10 year old's mouth drops open as she blinks the surprise from her eyes. "Nuh-hun, that's impossible! I can't look like that! You have glasses and your hair is darker....and...and..."

"I'm you. I know how you got that scar on your pointer finger cutting carrots to make stone soup in preschool.  I know all the names of your hook-ums stuffed animals and what happened to the squirrel one.  I know how you feel about bugs, and spiders and the dark, how they frighten you.  I know because I'm you.  Just older, just grown up." I wait for the truth to sink in.
After the initial shock  subsides, she gives me a quizzical look, "Ok. You're me. So what are you doing here?"

"I want to know if you like me.  If you like who you're going to be."

"That's sort of a strange thing to wonder about.  But OK.  Share some stuff about you, I mean us, I mean me....this is real-ly weird."

"What sort of stuff?  I can't tell you everything, you know.  I don't want to ruin all the fun new things awaiting you."

"How about your favorite color?  Is it still purple-pink?  You can answer that, can't ya?"

"I still like pink.   It is one of my favorites.  I also still like purple."

"Uh-huh, what's your favorite thing to do?"

"I still like to draw, also painting" I wink, "you know art stuff.  And reading.  I love a good book."

A cynical look crosses the 10 year old me's face, "Why would you want to read- does someone force you to do it?  I hate to read."

"I know that's not true.  You just have a hard time reading right now. Don't worry you'll get better at it and discover the how far your imagination can take you with words.  You'll see."  I give a reassuring pat to her skinny shoulder.  In return her eyebrows come out of their furrow.

"I don't know what else to ask. I think you look pretty though.  I never imagined myself looking like you do.  I like your glasses too.  They'd be better if they were purple-pink." she peruses my face and her eyes get a twinkle of excitement when she notices my earrings. "I guess I get my ears pierced in the future too!"

"Yes," I touch one of the tangles, "we do and we learn a thing or two along the way."

"What do we learn?"

"I can't tell you. But you'll find out soon enough.  are you sure there's not anything else you want to know- that I can tell you?"

Giving what she must think is her most grown up look, she taps her chin a moment then stares me square in the face, "Are you happy?"

I try to calculate such a profound question from a 10 year old version of myself, but before I can give an answer she continues, "Because I don't know what's going to happen and you won't tell me, but as long as there is some happiness in our life- I think I could like about anything."

"There are many happy moments.  Too many to number.  So yes, I would say I am happy."

"OK.  Well, I'm going to go play outside now. Bye" She runs off to go climb trees and pretend to be a character from her favorite cartoon.

We are more than we could've imagined in our past.  We must not let the present cloud the future hopes and dreams or obscure the past lessons learned.  I think my 10 year old self would be both shocked and amazed to know what is ahead of her and who she becomes.  The 27 year old version is still discovering, dreaming and doing more than I could've believed.

"Lord let me see myself through your eyes and who you created me to be- Amen."