It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. The holiday season full of much anticipation and merriment, but for some, like myself, the inability to fully embrace it becomes disconcerting and overwhelming. The lack of the festive spirit once alive in past times intensifies unwelcomed feelings of loneliness, grief, and dismay till one stops wanting to feel anything at all. Numbness sets in after enough pain and exposure to these internal elements and our feelings become frostbitten.
It's a condition shared by many. The most prominent figure that comes to my mind is Ebeneezer Scrooge. Having recently viewed a stage performance, this time with newness to the full story of redemption. I've always been able to recall the dramatic entrance of Christmas Future and the profound departure of the ghostly apparition with the intended message for Scrooge to change his ways. But it was Christmas Past and Present's journey that I realized the true beauty and empathy craved by Dickens not just for the poor and marginalized, but for Scrooge himself.
Scrooge had so much hurt in his heart. Witnessing the first travel with Christmas Past- I saw the boy Ebeneezer- alone, very much feeling unwanted and unloved by his father. The deep need to garner worth and self-value equated to nominal achievement planted by the lack of affection from the most important man in a child's life. In his goals to obtain self worth and value in monetary means- he lost the engagement to his beloved; in the pursuit to make a name for himself in business; adding another layer to his hardening heart. Christmas Present's scene goes to the persistent nephew's Christmas party who is previous scenes has been trying to establish a relationship but Scrooge can't because the nephew in of himself is a reminder of the loss of the only true family he had, his sister who passed away due to complications during childbirth. Each of these events helped shape Scrooges character. His reactions to the ongoing pain and heart ache in his life- was to simply stop feeling the pain and eventually to stop feeling entirely.
Much like numbness from exposure to frostbite- we wish to stop having pain from these old wounds and unresolved feelings. Numbness, though seems like a reprieve from the pain, long term is detrimental. In the natural world exposure to harsh environments- as in frigid temperatures the human body reacts in self defense of retracting the blood from outer extremities to retain heat and a heart beat. This in short term can save one's life. Long term the damage is deep and sometimes crippling. Similarly emotions and pain from passed hurts and trauma can leave us with functioning heart beats- but pieces of ourselves were sacrificed only to merely exist.
I've experienced this numbness in the aftermath of sever hurt and loss. My feelings have been frostbitten. At first it feels like a reprieve from the constant ache and grief. To be gifted with an allowance of nothingness in the wake of very painful time in my life, appealed to me. It's seems like an "out" to stop having all those negative, heavy feelings- to ignore them and believe they will fade away on their own. This is not at all true and the side effects will turn one's self into Scrooge. Losing the ability to connect with our emotions (even the ones we wish we weren't experiencing)- causes a hamper to the feelings we ache for, till eventually isolating all of them (both good and bad) entirely. We loose the ability to empathize, to love, and believe. Trying to cut one's feelings of pain, regret, anger, sorrow, and fear out of the heart- damages the areas where peace, love, joy, and hope exist.
I am learning to feel my feelings because if they are not given credence and attention- they will hinder my ability to love, to find peace, have hope and seek joy. So I have to choose to go through the painful process of thawing out the parts I've left untreated, to allow the ice to be broken open and expose the parts still needing healing, and press into the pain to push out the poison lurking in my heart. Because I have experienced sadness, I can now recognize and appreciate joy; because I have tasted despair, I now thirst for hope; because I have been lonely, I value love and friendship. I'm not fully recovered yet, but I believe as I seek hope and joy in the midst of tears during this holiday season, my own redemptive journey may be used to help other frozen hearts. If it wasn't too late for Scrooge to be given a second chance, it's not too late for me. It's never too late this side of heaven for changes in the human heart and miracles to transform lives.
My Christmas wish for us all is to keep seeking hope, chasing truth, and discovering joy.
Psalm 42:4-5
It's a condition shared by many. The most prominent figure that comes to my mind is Ebeneezer Scrooge. Having recently viewed a stage performance, this time with newness to the full story of redemption. I've always been able to recall the dramatic entrance of Christmas Future and the profound departure of the ghostly apparition with the intended message for Scrooge to change his ways. But it was Christmas Past and Present's journey that I realized the true beauty and empathy craved by Dickens not just for the poor and marginalized, but for Scrooge himself.
Scrooge had so much hurt in his heart. Witnessing the first travel with Christmas Past- I saw the boy Ebeneezer- alone, very much feeling unwanted and unloved by his father. The deep need to garner worth and self-value equated to nominal achievement planted by the lack of affection from the most important man in a child's life. In his goals to obtain self worth and value in monetary means- he lost the engagement to his beloved; in the pursuit to make a name for himself in business; adding another layer to his hardening heart. Christmas Present's scene goes to the persistent nephew's Christmas party who is previous scenes has been trying to establish a relationship but Scrooge can't because the nephew in of himself is a reminder of the loss of the only true family he had, his sister who passed away due to complications during childbirth. Each of these events helped shape Scrooges character. His reactions to the ongoing pain and heart ache in his life- was to simply stop feeling the pain and eventually to stop feeling entirely.
Much like numbness from exposure to frostbite- we wish to stop having pain from these old wounds and unresolved feelings. Numbness, though seems like a reprieve from the pain, long term is detrimental. In the natural world exposure to harsh environments- as in frigid temperatures the human body reacts in self defense of retracting the blood from outer extremities to retain heat and a heart beat. This in short term can save one's life. Long term the damage is deep and sometimes crippling. Similarly emotions and pain from passed hurts and trauma can leave us with functioning heart beats- but pieces of ourselves were sacrificed only to merely exist.
I've experienced this numbness in the aftermath of sever hurt and loss. My feelings have been frostbitten. At first it feels like a reprieve from the constant ache and grief. To be gifted with an allowance of nothingness in the wake of very painful time in my life, appealed to me. It's seems like an "out" to stop having all those negative, heavy feelings- to ignore them and believe they will fade away on their own. This is not at all true and the side effects will turn one's self into Scrooge. Losing the ability to connect with our emotions (even the ones we wish we weren't experiencing)- causes a hamper to the feelings we ache for, till eventually isolating all of them (both good and bad) entirely. We loose the ability to empathize, to love, and believe. Trying to cut one's feelings of pain, regret, anger, sorrow, and fear out of the heart- damages the areas where peace, love, joy, and hope exist.
I am learning to feel my feelings because if they are not given credence and attention- they will hinder my ability to love, to find peace, have hope and seek joy. So I have to choose to go through the painful process of thawing out the parts I've left untreated, to allow the ice to be broken open and expose the parts still needing healing, and press into the pain to push out the poison lurking in my heart. Because I have experienced sadness, I can now recognize and appreciate joy; because I have tasted despair, I now thirst for hope; because I have been lonely, I value love and friendship. I'm not fully recovered yet, but I believe as I seek hope and joy in the midst of tears during this holiday season, my own redemptive journey may be used to help other frozen hearts. If it wasn't too late for Scrooge to be given a second chance, it's not too late for me. It's never too late this side of heaven for changes in the human heart and miracles to transform lives.
My Christmas wish for us all is to keep seeking hope, chasing truth, and discovering joy.
Psalm 42:4-5
When I
remember these things, I pour out my soul within me, for I had gone with
the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of
joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday. Why
art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me?
Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His
countenance
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort
those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we
ourselves are comforted by God.
