internal dialogues

This is inspired by author Ravi Zacharias in his many imaginary conversation between God and other religious speakers in time (highly recommend The Lotus and the Cross, The Lamb and the Fuhrer, and Sense and Sensuality.) This is just one of many dialogues I have written between myself and what I believe God would possibly answer to my many pondering and questions.

Conversations with God

Me: I just don’t understand!

God: Understand what my child?

Me: You!

God: Why are you so angered?

Me: I don’t understand what’s happening around me. It’s all out of control and You’re suppose to be in control!

God: I am.

Me: It’s doesn’t look like that to me!

God: That is not all of it.

Me: All of what?!

God: All that is bothering you, something else burdens your heart.

Me: The people around me…

God: The people you care about.

Me: The people I love, I can’t help. And it really hurts to see them isolate and try to hide their own pain.

God: I know. It was for that same reason I sent Him to your world: My people hurting themselves and others with no cure or way to stop the epidemic of sin, pain, and death. So I sent the Cure, the Way to truth and life…

Me: But so may refuse Your cure! Why do you allow this?! Why can’t you open up their hearts and minds to the truth?! This is what angers me!

God: Your anger then is rooted in the idea that I do nothing in your sight.

Me: Well, don’t you have the power to convert people, “to give sight to the blid?!”

God: Yes, I do. But they have to want it and be willing to accept Me. I love you so much that I am willing and have created you to choose me…

Me: I know…but wouldn’t they be willing to if they had proof in this day and age of who and what you are?

God: Even if I were to rip open the heaven and speak to the world, still some would not believe.

Me: But…!

God: No. They would rationalize it. For seeing is not the purpose or the way to believing. It is a matter of the heart and it’s willingness to surrender to the fact that is is not in control; it can not save itself; it can not bring itself to completion.

Me: I know this…I just get so frustrated with the fact that I can’t do anything to help those hurting people that I care about.

God: Whether you know by conscious action or instinct, child, you do and can help them. By talking to me, you help- praying for them is a sacred way to care.

Me: But I’ve been praying for these people for-for what seems like forever! I can’t see a difference.

God: Prayers do make a difference- you may not see the results for it can take years for the internal changes to be allowed to surface in a person. Prayer isn’t a magic trick, for most it is not instantaneous. And child, what else have you been doing other than prayer?

Me: You said prayer was a sacred way to care.

God: Child, prayer is sacred because you tell me what and who you care about. How are the people you pray for going to know about it?

Me: I’ve told people I’m praying for them.

God: Make sure, though, your actions testify your words as well. People are watching you- some to see you fail to be able to condemn you; others to make you accountable, and still some to figure you what you have that makes you so different. SO keep in mind both your actions and words.

Me: I’m not perfect; I can’t act like what you’re asking for 24-7!

God: I’m not asking you to “act.” People, as I have given them, have a spirit to see genuineness. Ask me to be in you and with you and there shall I be. With me, there is no “acting” for I see into the very heart and soul. Do you understand me, child?

Me: I think so…I t will be hard to remember this throughout every second of my day, though.

God: You can remember by bringing me in throughout your day for I truly do love to be with you.

Me: Will I ever be able to help my hurting friends, Lord?

God: Child, you help them. I am the only one who can permanently heal them. You are my sower and my love is the seed which is up to you to spread. The soil for which it lands is a combinational effort.

Me: Another parable? What do you mean by combinational effort?

God: You spread the seed. You could leave the seed to its own devices, or tend it. The soil which it lands can be fertile or unfertile. My seed could grow or die.

Me: Let me get this straight: Is it my job to just leave the people with a little bit of You? Is that what you’re saying? And it’s up You and their willingness to decide?

God: Yes, though you are my child, you are still in the flesh and are only capable of so much. With me all things are possible. Those hurting people, it has to be their decision. How and where they take the love, My love, that you present them with is their choice.

Me: It’s just so hard. I sometimes want to grab hold of their shoulders and shake them!

God: I know. It is so hard to know they are slowly killing themselves, and still love them.

Me: How can I stand by and watch them do that to themselves?!

God: You are not. You are praying for them, You are loving them. You are doing something, something so precious for them. I know this and will remember what you do for the least of these.

Me: Thank you. But promise you’ll be with me when it gets too tough.

God: I will be with you always.

Me: I know, I just like to hear it from You.

God: You are not angry any more.

Me: No. I’m not angry any more. I now only want to be there for those I care about.

God: And I will be with you when you do, for I love them even more.